Leave it to Seavers

Meet Cameron Seavers a.k.a. Sweet Cam, Cam Man, Yes Man, Cam the Golden Retriever, etc. Cam is honestly one of the genuinely nicest people that I know. When Cam and I first started becoming friends was a few years ago when I was looking for someone to go to Indiana with me for a short weekend trip. It’s about a 9 hour car ride from Virginia to Indiana. Cam barely knew me and had never met my family, so this was quite a shock that he actually agreed. On the car ride to Indy, it consisted of Cam and I belting out 80’s rock with Cam hitting some of the sweetest high harmony parts that would put Michael Bolton to shame. But when our friendship really started was on the car ride back from Indy. We had been driving for a few hours, and I received a text from my mother saying, “Keanu Reeves died in a skiing accident.” We, both, sat in a moment of silence thinking about how Keanu had impacted our lives from Neo to Shane Falco. After a couple of minutes, Cam looks out the passenger side window and nonchalantly says, “Well. Death waits for no man.” I laughed hysterically for a solid 10 minutes causing Cam to laugh with me. Another testimonial to who cam is: he has taken me to the airport at 5 in the morning more times than I can count. One time, I paid him back with a $5 Footlong in which he didn’t complain. Better man than I Cam; better man than I.

A few weekends ago, Cam was getting married. Not only was I looking forward to him getting married, but I, more importantly, was looking forward to the college reunion that was about to take place. The wedding took place in Pennsylvania. Cam warned us that we would be out in the country. I didn’t know that we would be out of the country. I had better cell service in Japan than I did in Pennsylvania. It was like a summer camp with less counselors and more beer. All 9 guys stayed in a tiny log cabin about 2 miles back in the woods. We had an ATV, a lake, boat, fishing poles, corn hole, etc. The closest civilization was about 20 minutes away, and I wasn’t mad about it.

Cam, Cam’s brothers, Cam’s dad, and Cam’s grandfather pretty much built everything for the wedding with the help of others. I tried to help but I wouldn’t say I’m the handiest person in the world, but I’m trying. When we first got there, the Seavers were building the dance floor for the wedding. My friend, Addison, and I went to help. Background on Addison: he finished his entire basement on his own. My background: I lived in my parents’ basement for a period of my life. Once we got to the dance floor project, Addi jumped right in and saved the day, while I was asked to retrieve the tools which consisted of me googling the tool names and coming up short due to the poor cell service. Regardless, we completed the dance floor, and I was there for it.

I love wedding festivities, but weddings are the WORST…when you’re single. Weddings are just a reminder that you can’t convince a girl that you’re an alright guy. Out of the 9 groomsmen my 2 friends, Trav and Zach, and I were the only single ones. We were taking a group picture with all of us guys and their wives. One lady obnoxiously yelled, “Singles in front!”  A married girl went up to Trav and this phrase actually came out of her mouth, “Always a groomsmen; never a groom.” Trav kept his mouth shut even though he had a lot to say. Better man than I Trav. Better man than I.

The reception rolls around, and they put the 3 singles, Zach, Trav, and I, at the same table. Segregation man. Now, the father of the bride is dancing with the bride, Leah a.k.a. Sweet Leah, Leah Woman, Yes Woman, Leah the Golden Retriever, etc. I’m pretty sure that’s how that works. Anyway, as they’re dancing, all of the bridesmaids are crying which all of the groomsmen are thinking, “Here we go.” Then, Cam goes to dance with his mother to the song Place in this World by Michael W. Smith. It has such a nice 80’s ring to it, which was fitting. Cam sang the whole first verse to his mother as loud as the song, which I was so proud of him for. Then, the chorus came around and Cam changed to the higher octave and started crying. At least I’m pretty sure he started crying, but I’ve never seen Cam cry before. Since I had just got done judging the bridesmaids, crying was not an option, so I had to think of any Eminem song that I could. It worked, but obviously the rest of the crowd did not have Slim Shady going through their mind. The wedding weekend was a blast. Congrats Cam and Leah. I’m happy for you guys.

People not mentioned that we're involved: Brock Nardozzi, Charlie Waters, Jordan Whitehurst, Cullen Seavers, and Chase Seavers. You guys are cool.

Bóstoñ

This past weekend my friends, Matt and Jordan, and I went to Boston and Rhode Island. I’ve never been to either place but I love Good Will Hunting, so I thought I’d check it out. Actually, I’ve always wanted to go to a Red Sox game at Fenway. Since this is Derek Jeter’s last year, I thought that this would be the perfect time to see one of the best athletes of all time play in one of the best sports rivalries of all time in one of the most historical venues of all time. That’s a lot of “all times.” I beat you to it.

The first couple of days we stayed in a suburb of Boston known as Everett. I don’t know if “the ghetto” is considered a suburb. Maybe it should be labeled as “the streets.” Let’s start over. The first couple of days we stayed on the streets of Boston. Or is it “in the streets?” You get the point. The first night, Matt, Jordan, and I hung out with our Irish friend named Jameson. We left Jameson at our place, and headed down the street to see if there was any type of night life. There was one place that had insanely loud Spanish music with a strobe light, so obviously, we had to see what this place was all about.

Right when I walked in the doors, the kind security guard followed standard procedure…and checked me for blades. As he’s checking me, I was all like. That’s the last time I use that, I promise. I’m not Mexican, nor am I a part of any sort of gang, so I felt a little out of place. Anytime I would talk to a girl I could always see a guy just staring at me with rage. All I wanted the DJ to play was Gas Pedal. The language barrier was pretty tough to break there, so I had to get the waitress to take me up to the DJ where I had spelled out the song “Gas Pedal” in a note on my phone. After about 20 minutes of waiting for the song, Gas Pedal finally comes on, but the DJ put a Mexican beat to it, and only played the first verse. I, immediately, became frustrated, then terrified as all of the men in the club looked like they wanted to hurt me, so I decided that it would be best to round up the troops and head home before we get mugged by the guy from Machete.

The next day, we went to the Red Sox game. Fenway Park is really cool and our seats were awesome. I sat in the middle of all Red Sox fans which was good since I had my Red Sox hat with me and left my Yankees hat at home. We sat next to one Red Sox fan that had so many one-liners that I started to write them down in the “Notes” application on my phone right after the “Gas Pedal” note. This guy called THE Derek Jeter a “pile of goober” in the thickest Boston accent you can possibly think of. The fans in Boston are ruthless. Jacoby Ellsbury is a Yankees player who used to play for the Red Sox. Every time he stepped up to the plate, everyone booed him in typical Boston fashion. After about his third at-bat, and everyone booing him, I kind of felt bad for the guy. I thought to myself, “Hey guys. Take it easy on him. He was probably making the best financial decision for him and his family,” as I booed the sh@t out of him. We had one Yankee fan in our section who he stood up as one of the most beloved Red Sox of all time, David Ortiz, came to the plate, and he started to chant, “O-Ver-Ra-Ted (clap) (clap) (clap) (clap) (clap) O-Ver-Ra-Ted! Everyone!” The Red Sox fan I referred to earlier immediately chants, “Shut-The-Hell-Up!” Boston fans in general are second to none. The Red Sox lost, but we got to see Derek Jeter play and David Ortiz hit a home run, so I would consider that a good night.

The whole New England area is really cool. Rhode Island and Boston are night and day, but I really enjoyed the differences. If you’re looking for a cool weekend trip, New England is a great place to go.

Gotta Catch Em All

It’s 4:17am. Why am I not asleep you might ask? I am still a little jet lagged, but that’s not the reason. See, I haven’t had a good history with smoke detectors. I just don’t get them. How does it chirp even though I disconnect it from the wall and take out the battery? This mystery ranks up there with Who Framed Roger Rabbit, women, and how Rebecca Black got the go-ahead to make a sequel to her Friday music video with Saturday. Nonetheless, I get to write this blog, even though I was just going to wait until lunch break to do so.

As I alluded to in my last post, Japan was awesome. Now, one of my biggest pet peeves is when Americans travel to see another culture, then turn around and bash their own. I promise not to do that. The American culture has flaws, sure, but so does every culture. Side note: this pet peeve is up there with a chirping smoke detector, which, if you’re wondering, is still a chirpin’. Anyways, we bought the Japan Rail pass so that we could take the bullet train all over Japan. We started in Hiroshima, went up to Kyoto and Osaka, and finished in Tokyo. If you’re looking to travel Japan, the Japan Rail pass is the way to go.

Hiroshima, Osaka, and Kyoto were great. That’s where all the history is, but Tokyo is weird, wild, and awesome. I was going to say “wonderful” but then I would be using the description as West Virginia’s tagline, and in now way, shape, or form is Tokyo anything like West Virginia. Nothing against West Virginia. Actually side story time. One time, I was driving through West Virginia, and I was very frustrated because the mountains were doing a number on my engine. I stopped to get something to eat at the Tamarack, a glorified rest stop, and a little, chubby boy with a beautiful mullet went running in front of his dad and the first thing I hear when I stepped out of my car was the father shouting, “Cleetus! Get back here!” Back to Tokyo.

A lot of people have asked me what my favorite part was. The food was great. I, supposedly, had the best sushi in Japan, therefore the world. I waited 3 hours and 52 minutes for a seat. Even though the food was spectacular, the people were my favorite part. I love Japan’s culture. Tokyo is like New York City filled with a bunch of Jeff Wests. If you don’t know Jeff West, then that’s a crying shame. Just to give you an example, there was a time we were looking for the Tokyo Tower. I found a guy who was with his wife and son. They were walking toward us, so I asked him how to get to the Tokyo Tower. He turns around and shows us how to get there at world record walking speed. At first, I thought he was just going to point us in the right direction, but after 10 minutes of him walking where he was pointing, I realized that this man was walking us to the Tokyo Tower. At the 15 minute mark, I started to ask myself, “Have I ever met a bro before?” At the 17 minute mark, I looked back, and his wife was nowhere to be found, and he seemed okay with that. The 20 minute mark rolls around, and seeing that we were obviously gassed and sweating profusely, he puts money into a vending machine. I thought he was getting himself or his son a drink, but he looked at me and pointed to the machine and wanted me to get a drink. It was confirmed. I have never met a bro before this guy. At the 25 minute mark, the guy got us where we needed to be. To recap: The man walked us at Usain Bolt-like speed for 25 minutes to Tokyo Tower leaving his wife in the dust, along the way bought Joe and I a water. All of this he did with a smile on his face. I love you Japan.

We met up with my friend who lives in Japan. He took us to a spa after our long day of traveling. This was a fully nude spa. I had nothing to be scared of because Asian people are short if you’re catchin’ my drift. All everyone had was just an orange wash cloth. It didn’t take me as long to get used to it because I’ve watched multiple episodes of Naked and Afraid. At one point in the spa, I had my feet in warm water and I was leaned back against the wall with my eyes closed. I opened my eyes and a guy walked past and sized me up, since he did not speak English I gave him look that said “You mad bro?” Guy walked away, and hung his head in defeat.

We went to the Tokyo Robot Show. The reason why I went is because Anthony Bourdain described it as one of the coolest things he’s seen. Honestly, there is no place like it. I have to agree with Mr. Bourdain. The show is filled with robots and humans. The place holds about 100 people, and they have 4 shows a day. There’s 3 rows on each side of the show, and somehow, we got placed front and center. They did an introduction for about 10 girls who were in the show. One of the girls did a Michael Jackson spin move, kissed her index finger, and gently wiped it on my nose. The place went nuts. Hell, I went nuts, high-fiving all of the guys around me. I looked to my left and an 8 year old boy stared at me with jealousy. Since he, also, didn’t speak English, I gave him a look that said, “I win. You lose.”

The next night we were looking to karaoke, but all the karaoke places had private rooms. Joe and I both agreed that we didn’t want to karaoke to each other in a private room. So, everyone told us to go to this club called Womb. As far as the name is concerned, I had/have all the same questions you have right now. We got there at the very beginning, which was at 11pm. My friend, Joe, started the dance floor. The dude went hard. I have never seen a man sweat like he was sweating. In fact, a girl from Australia asked us if we had any ecstasy. Since this girl was very attractive, I started to regret leaving my ecstasy in my hotel room. This “jk” goes out to Cindy Garrity. Mom, I have never seen/touched ecstasy. Anyways, when I told her that we don’t have any ecstasy, she replied back with “You’re American right?” She must have watched too much Bad Boys 2. Joe and I would just go up to all of the Japanese and yell, “Japan!” in which they would all yell back, “Japan!” I yelled “Japan!” to this guy who probably weighed 140 pounds. He proceeded to pick me up and wave me up and down while I fist pumped my heart out. He, then, went to my friend Joe, who used to play offensive line in high school, attempted to wave him up and down, only this time the guy fell straight on his back. I could not stop laughing. Womb was a success.

I definitely plan on going back to Japan. It’s a great place filled with great people and great food, which is exactly what I’m looking for.

Fine China...Well Sorta

This past week my buddy Joe and I went to China and Japan. Since it was quite the trip, I’m going to break it down in separate posts. Our first stop was China. The time difference between China and US east coast is 12 hours which is the worst possible time difference for traveling, so I had to beat it by staying awake for the entire 12 hour flight. This consisted of me drinking an absurd amount of coffee, watching any ridiculous action packed movie (i.e. Need for Speed, 2 Guns, etc.), and listening to Yeah 3x by C-Breezy. It did the trick. I stayed up for the whole 12 hour trip. Once we got off the plane, cab drivers were awaiting our arrival and to, apparently, screw us over in our most exhausting moment. See I forgot what the conversion rate was, so they got us pretty good. Staying awake the entire flight was now sounding like a pretty terrible idea.

Now, I never have bought into the Asian driver stereotype, but once that cab driver pulled out of the airport, I became a full believer, confessed my sins to the almighty God, and was texting all my loved ones no matter what the international charges were. I do need to make one thing clear about this stereotype. Asian drivers aren’t bad. It’s the Chinese drivers. Sure, China makes up a giant portion of Asia, but the Japanese drivers were great. I will never bash you Japan. More on that later. Anyways, I have never had more near death experiences in my 24 years of life than I did in that 25 minute cab ride. Somehow, someway, we got to where we needed to be: on the curb of our hotel parking lot.

We were only in China for one full day because we just wanted to see the Great Wall so we stayed in Beijing. We bought a tour to go up the Great Wall. It’s about an hour and a half drive. I thought to myself, “Maybe since we bought a tour, the driver will be more professional.” Wrong again. I think you get the picture in how bad the driving actually is.

By some miracle, we got to the Great Wall. One of the coolest things I’ve ever seen. We took a cable car up to the Mutianyu section of the Great Wall. I, honestly, felt safer in this cable car ride, than I did in any form of ground transportation. Ok fine, I’ll stop talking about that. Anyways, if you’re wanting to go to the Great Wall, I highly suggest going to the Mutianyu section of the Great Wall because it isn’t as touristy as the other sections. Also, bring your hiking boots because it is quite the trek.

The tour came with a massage at the end, which was great since my dogs were barkin’. The tour only consisted of Joe, an Australian couple, and myself. So, they put all 4 of us in a dim-lighted room with 4 recliners. The massage felt great. There’s, also, a stereotype of Asian massages. For the sake of my job, I am unable to go into detail of what that stereotype is, so if you don’t know just ask around. So, the massage feels great, then it gets to the end. She starts to massage my calves which feels wonderful, then up to my knees which felt quite nice. Then, she gets up to my thigh, really up my thigh, and I was all like. I had to squirm around a tad to send the message that my calves still feel pretty tense. Crisis averted.

After the massage, I went to my masseuse, gave her a bow, and walked off. My tour guide, Michelle, pointed to my masseuse and said, “Josh did you like your massage?” Oblivious to what was going on, I walked back over to my masseuse and gave a second bow. Finally, my tour guide told me that I need to tip her, so I did. As we’re heading to our cab, our tour guide stopped us and informed us, “Just to let you know this tour did not include a tip.” I was already in the cab and had to get out to give this lady 20 Chinese Yuan. They’re definitely not scared to ask for some money, and that’s how the rich stay richer.

To be honest, I wasn't a fan of Beijing. Don't get me wrong, The Great Wall was unbelievable, but the city of Beijing is pretty terrible. If you want to go to China, go to the Great Wall and maybe visit Shanghai. I've heard that place is awesome. In the end, we got to see the Great Wall, and that's exactly what we came there for. Then, we were off to Japan.