Craigslist Josh

So, I’ve been selling things on Craigslist. My initial motive was to make some extra cash, but then it morphed into me just wanting to meet some of the most interesting people out there. I sold a total of 9 items in a 2 month span, and now it is my duty to share some of these stories, so that we can judge Craigslist customers worldwide.

First thing I sold was my desk. This was going to be an easy sell because it was a great desk. The desk had two parts: the bottom part, which was just the typical desk part and the top part, which consisted of the cubbies that went along with the desk. It was awkwardly shaped, so it took Sweet Cam (refer to last post) and I about 30 minutes to load this on the trailer. As we made a left turn out of the driveway, the top part of the desk detached itself and fell of the trailer onto the road. This was very embarrassing due to the fact that I was only moving about a half mile down the road. Now, I had to put a little more effort into selling this thing. I went back and lowered the price on Craigslist by about 75%. A guy text me and said that he wanted to meet me after work to take a look at it. I met him after work at my place. He said, “Let’s see if it’s sturdy.” Side note: whenever I quote my Craigslist buyers, just imagine the thickest redneck accent possible. It makes the story funnier and not too far from the truth. Anyways, since he questioned the durability of the desk, he was shaking it violently, laying on it, giving it the People’s elbow, etc. “It’s sturdy,” he says. I sold it and helped him move the bottom part of the desk out to his car. As I went back in to get the second half of the desk, I could not get in because it was locked. This was very unfortunate since my keys and cell phone were in my apartment. I borrowed the Craigslist buyer’s cell phone and contacted my sister who contacted her roommate who contact my roommate to let me in. Luckily, it was only a 30 minute process. I got him the second part of the desk in exchange for a quick $50.

My desk chair was nothing special, so I listed it for $20. This kid messaged me and said that he wanted to buy it. Let me just say, this “kid” was in college, but referring to him as a “kid” makes me feel superior, so let’s just go with it. The kid shows up at my place and takes a look at the chair. He says, “All I got is $10.” Since I was once a college student I knew that his financial situation was that of a Nicolas Cage. I said, “Sure that’s fine.” In which he replied with, “Can you break a 20?” Thinking this was a joke, I laughed, “No.” He, then, went to the gas station down the street to break the 20 while I dead-bolted my door to teach that little shit a lesson. JK. He came back and I took the $10 from him. I would have taken 5. Joke’s on him.

I put an old guitar on Craigslist for $50 because at the time I had 4 guitars. Also, I put a television with a VCR player for $10 on Craigslist. I had an interested buyer with each product, and they both wanted to meet me after work. When I got home after work, the guy that was interested in my guitar was waiting outside my door. He turned out to be a nice fellow so I let him talk me down $5 off the guitar. As we’re playing guitar, I hear a knock at the door. Enter the guy who was interested in my television. Now, I’m about a wife beater and a Garth Brooks song away from establishing a flea market. The guy comes in, looks at the television and says, “Let’s see if it works.” He plugs in the television and pulls out a Rugrats movie from his back pocket. Pops in the VHS and says, “Would you look at that. It works! Could I talk you down?” I replied, “I’m pretty firm at $10.” He shrugged his shoulders, “I thought I’d try.” I could see my other buyer was getting annoyed that I wasn’t playing guitar with him anymore, so I saw the Rugrats man to the door. John Denver and I played guitar for about an hour in my living room. As he left, he turned to me and asked, “Do you know Jesus Christ as your personal savior?” Stunned by his boldness, I hesitated, which is something you do not want to do in Lynchburg, Virginia. “Yeah I know him.” He must not have bought my answer because he invited me to church that Sunday.

At our old place, we had a vacuum called the cat piss vacuum. Basically, our neighbor gave us this vacuum that smelled like cat piss, but of course, I did not put that in my Craigslist ad.  The lady that was interested in the vacuum met me at my place, and at first glance, I already didn’t like the lady. She came walking towards me with hungry eyes and no smile, which made my smile feel stupid so I wiped it away. I said, “Hello.” She said, “Well let’s see it.” Slight hesitation on my end, “Ok.” I went and got the vacuum and brought it out to her. She said, “Alright well let’s see if it works.” “Oh boy,” I thought. She plugged in the vacuum and started vacuuming my living room, as I was praying to the Lord on High that it would just be me smelling this terrible odor. She stops vacuuming, and started to sniff around, “Do you have a dog?” she asked. Timidly, I answer, “No.” She said, “This vacuum needs to be cleaned out. Clean it out for me.” I took the vacuum outside to clean it out as she followed. As I was on all fours cleaning out this vacuum, I looked back to see her hovered over me with this crazy look in her eye. I, again, threw up another prayer to the Lord on high since we were about one R. Kelly song away from getting weird. See guitar guy, I do know Jesus. Anyways, the vacuum was as good as new. The lady, then, informed me that she only had a 20 even though we agreed on $25. I would have been fine with $20 if my right arm didn’t smell like a cat litter. Nonetheless, I took the money…and a shower…by myself…thankfully.