MANtana

This past week I went on a little get away. And by get away, I mean vacation. “Get away” just sounds cooler, and that’s what I’m all about. Anyways, on this get away I spent some good quality time in Montana with some great family friends. It was a pretty awesome trip. And by pretty awesome, I mean the coolest trip I’ve ever been on. Ok, that’s the last time I’ll do that. Anyways, Montana has been on my bucket list for years now, so I was pretty excited, to say the least.

I had seen pictures online of where we were staying, and I thought to myself, “The pictures are always better.” Well, I was wrong. In fact, the pictures didn’t do this place justice. I was expecting to have to share a room with the kids of the family I went with. Another great surprise. I had my own room with my own bathroom, which was in my room. My view from my bedroom would/did make a grown man cry. The mountains didn’t even look real, but they were. I hiked one of them.

One awesome thing about the trip was that the mother of the family, Shelly, had everything planned out on what we were going to do for that week. Since I knew we would be partaking in outdoor events in the great state of Montana, I loaded up on so much denim that made Walker Texas Ranger look like a metrosexual. Whenever I do something “crazy,” I always try to compare myself to a movie character. Here’s what we did in Montana:

Horseback Riding:  This, and this alone, is why I bought denim. I don’t know if it was because I thought Montana hasn’t kept up with the automobile business, but I thought we would be going everywhere by horse. We didn’t, but the first day we did go on a horseback riding adventure through the mountains of Montana. There is something about riding a horse that takes your manhood to a whole new level. Now, as we were riding, one of the horses got a little wild, jumped up and kicked the father of the family, Bill, off his high horse in which I immediately had flashbacks to this. Bill had a nice gash on his elbow which made me somewhat jealous. His manhood surpassed mine, and I don’t take that lightly. Well luckily, our horseback riding guide is also a horse whisperer so we got back on the trail and rode off into the sunset.

Movie Character Parallel: Kurt Russell, Tombstone

 

White Water Rafting:  This was, by far, the coolest thing we did. The first part was tough because it was freezing. The water temperature was in the low 40’s. Needless to say, I was quoting Simon Birch all day. If you don’t know what scene I’m talking about, please go to your nearest Best Buy and pick up a copy. You can thank me later. Now my greatest fear is drowning. I saw both Pearl Harbor and Titanic at a very young age, in which now I choose “burn” over “drown” every time in Would You Rather? without any hesitation.  We were out there for 2 hours and didn’t fall once which is saying something because we had 2 kids 10 and under in our raft. One of the boys, Braedon, kept yelling, “I wanna live!” in which I replied back with, “You are living son.” I don’t expect him to get it now, but one day when he’s 23 and is a slave to the workforce, he’ll get it.

Movie Character Parallel: Kevin Bacon, The River Wild

 

Zip Lining:  So, this was the most terrifying thing we did. The wind just happened to pick up that day to about 25 mph, which was awesome because I’m not too fond of heights. It was our group plus a weird couple and two little Indian kids under the age of 12. The way this worked was that we all climbed up these skinny trees, about 100 feet high, in which some of them barely had enough room for all 12 of us to be standing there. We went on 6 different zip lines and had 5 different obstacle “bridges” to cross. Up on the first tree, I got a little queasy, and I’m the last one to go which is the worst. Why is it the worst? 1.) I hate waiting. 2.) The tree was shaking more as each person jumped off. The final 2 people to go on the first jump were me and Romein, one of the little Indian boys (whom I called Bromein the entire day). So, Bromein is about to jump off and looks at me and starts laughing as I’m hugging the tree tighter than ever before and says, “Are you scared?” in which I reply with, “What does it look like? Are you?” He says (laughing), Nah man,” and jumps off into the distance. Now, it comes to my turn. My zip lining instructor saw how nervous I was and tried to crack a joke to calm my nerves, but I wasn’t having it. So, finally, I just jumped. It was awesome. Once I reached the end, I had some choice words to say to Bromein, but that’s just between us. Anyways, this was also a blast, but I had a tough time coming up with a movie character that I paralleled, then it just came to me.

Movie Character Parallel: Sylvester Stallone, Cliffhanger

 

Overall, Montana was the coolest place I’ve visited. Other notable places: Hawaii, Israel, and Chicago. I could see myself living in Montana one day. Until next time, hopefully, so long Montana. Ya done good.

 

Josh

 

Dennis Garrity > Dwayne Wade

Well guys, Hallmark got us once again. Today is the 103^rd annual Father’s Day. Now am I one of those guys that is gung ho about Father’s Day? No. Am I one that completely boycotts Father’s Day to prove a point? No. I would rather grill out his favorite food or take him to a sweet sporting event. That’s how I would want to express my thankfulness to my father, so take that Hallmark, and you’re welcome Walmart. My father is the best father a man could ask for. That’s right. He’s the best. Other notable fathers include Dan Nohe, Albert Nohe, Jeff West, Jeff Butcher, and Dwayne Wade. Why Dwayne Wade? I don’t know, have you seen the Dove commercial he’s in? His kids love him, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned in 23 years it’s that you should always believe what’s on television. 

Who is Dennis Garrity? Well, he’s a 6 foot Macedonian that clings to Proverbs 16:31. Now if there’s one thing that I respect the most about my father it’s his consistency. Let me explain. My dad made me a milkshake every night for 9 years. Now has this contributed to the fact that I’m lactose intolerant?  Maybe, but that man slaved over a blender for 9 years more than I ever want to. Also, in my elementary days, my dad and I watched an episode of Walker Texas Ranger every Saturday night, and we didn’t have Netflix or DVR so it took commitment. Finally, my dad has been an Elvis impersonator for 36 years. Oh, you think that’s funny? He does it for mentally-handicapped children every Thursday right before Christmas to avoid them from having a “Blue Christmas.” You feel good about almost making fun of my father now? Probably not. Anyways, this man still works the Elvis Pelvis at the age of 62.

My dad, also, is cool. Not “Josh’s dad lets us do whatever we want” type of cool. He can just carry on a conversation with anyone of any age. It’s actually incredible. Once when talking to my friend about how there’s no stranger to my father, my dad came out of the public restroom talking to a man that he’s never seen or met in his life. Now my instinct tells me that when you’re in a restroom look straight ahead and by no means make any sort of eye contact, but somehow he does it and the weirdest part is that it’s normal. He’s also cool in the sense that his ear for music is still alive and kickin’. I just showed my dad a Macklemore song that gave him goosebumps. Also, he has cool sayings that he says to my friends that I could never pull off like, “Plant ya now and dig ya later,” “Easy greasy, you got a long way to slide,” “or my personal favorite, “[Insert Name], the woman’s pet and the man’s threat.” 

Finally, my dad has a sense of humor that can’t be paralleled. I’ll end with this story. A couple of years ago, my mom, dad, sister, and I went to a retirement party for one of my dad’s close friends. I know, I had no idea a retirement party existed either, but there was so much food that I spent most of the time at the party planning my own in the next 40 years. Anyways, there were about 200 people there. Out of the 200, 196 were black. So, we’re sitting there eating dinner and dad’s friend has the microphone and is acknowledging everybody that has played a role in his life. Finally, he gets to the end of his speech and he asks his brothers and sisters to stand up. I’m looking around to find his brothers and sister and all of a sudden I hear everyone busting out laughing. Keep in mind, only white family there, my dad was standing up with a stone cold look on his face. I thought to myself, “Dagonnet, he’s done it again.”

So yeah, my dad may not have a Dove commercial, but he has been a better father than what I could even ask for. I hope that I can use what he’s taught me with children of my own one day. Love ya dad. 

Josh 

Hippie or Not Hippie? That is the Question...

One day, after taking phone calls like a boss, I just wanted to pop in my frozen microwavable dinner and eat in peace. As I’m waiting on my meal to be cooked, I a hear little girl’s voice from a distance say, “Josh is eating his hippie food again.” Hannah Lynn Walker. Let me introduce Hannah to you. Hannah is a co-worker of mine. Hannah is a southern bell who has a voice like Reese Witherspoon in Sweet Home Alabama. She is straight country, so if I’m not wearing boots and a cowboy hat and listening to anything other than George Strait, then I’m considered a hippie in her eyes.

To make a short story long, I’m not a hippie. I don’t know why or when “hippie” was used in a negative connotation. That’s not what this post is about. I have nothing against hippies. The point of this post is to defend my innocence of the hippie identity. Again, nothing against hippies.

This isn’t the first time I’ve been called a hippie or “hipster.” I know. I’m as shocked as you are. By the way, you can give me all of the technical definitions you want, but there is no difference between a hippie and a hipster. When I ask what makes me a hipster, people generally give me the same answers. So what I want to do is defend each argument/judgment that I’ve heard in the past few years. So here it goes:

•        “You probably like weird music, don’t you?”

o   My favorite musicians of all time go in this order: John Mayer, Dave Matthews Band, Brad Paisley, Michael Jackson, and Dave Barnes. I grew up belting out “Shameless” by Garth Brooks at the age of 3; I had just about every Jackson 5/Michael Jackson song memorized by age 9; and my senior year of high school, I listened to Kanye West’s “Graduation” album every morning before I went to school. Side note: Kanye’s name has a red squiggly line under it in Microsoft Word. I wonder if he’s talked to Bill Gates about this. Anyways, as you can see, I have way too much soul to be a hippie. Again, nothing against hippies.

•        “You tuck your jeans into your boots.”

o   Ok. Yes, I am guilty of this, but so is the whole United States Army, and the last time I checked, hippies don’t fight in war. They don’t fight at all. In fact, I have almost lost my friendship to my friend, Aaron Beasley, over a game of Settlers of Catan multiple times. At the age of 8, I gave my now-training-to-be-a-professional-wrestler cousin, better known as Nate Stone, a black eye, but that’s not the point. I tuck my jeans into my boots, and if that makes one a hippie, then I’m darn proud of the hippies that fight for our freedom. Murica.

•       “You only eat fruit in the morning.”

o   I do, but I also inhaled milkshakes every night that my father made me starting at the age of 7 until I was 17. And I know what you’re thinking, so let me quiet all the doubts: Yes, my father loved me. It all started because I was going to fall below the minimum weight requirement for bantam football, so I needed to pack on some weight to play football. In addition to the milkshakes, doughnuts are my weakness and if Thanksgiving just consisted of mashed potatoes, I would be just fine. Generally speaking, in the past couple of years, I have been on somewhat of a health kick. And yes, I do usually start my day with fruit, but do you know where I get my fruit? Walmart. That’s where I get all of my food. Josh-3; Haterz-0.

•       “All you wear is flannel and plaid.”

o   I do have a ridiculous amount of plaid and flannel in my closet, but so does Al Borland, and the last time I checked, he’s all that is man. Nuff said.

In conclusion, there are things that might be hipster about me. Yeah, my favorite hobby is playing the guitar, and I do own 3 pairs of boots and only God knows how many flannels, but don’t judge a book by its cover. The book might be titled “Hippie” but it may read, “Normal.” Again, nothing against hippies.

Josh

My Guardian Angel

A couple of weekends ago, one of my best friends was getting married up in Leesburg, Virginia. After working a long, hard week of work last week, I was anticipating the relaxation that was going to be taken place. One of my friends from Indiana flew down for the wedding, so he asked me to take him to the airport after the wedding. Being the decent friend that I am, I told him that’d be ok; therefore I had to drive up by myself to the wedding on Friday night. The car ride playlist consisted of “Perfectly Lonely,” “Long Trip Alone,” “All by Myself,” and “One is the Loneliest Number.” You get the point. As Three Dog Night hits a higher octave, tears fill my eyes, and then I hear metal screeching against the pavement. Flat tire. Right smack dab middle of the trip. I’m an hour and a half from home and an hour and a half from Leesburg.

 

I had to pull over off the side of the highway next to a railroad track. As I’m putting on the spare tire a train comes racing by which scares the living daylights out of me. And no, I did not get as excited as this guy. In fact, it was quite the opposite. I was fuming. Then, I remembered what my father once told me, “Josh, people will not judge you by the storms in your life, but by how you handle the storms.” So I rolled up my sleeves and got down to business. This was my first time changing a tire. Once I finished installing the tire, I felt accomplished. So proud. As I’m lowering the card down from the jack, I see that the spare tire was flat which was fitting to this trip. I laughed in disgust, and then all of a sudden a 6 foot 50 year old bearded man, named Chris, with hair flowing from his chest out of his shirt came to my rescue.

 

“You got it all figured out?” Chris, said.  “Nope.” I said in frustration. “Here get in the car. I’ll take ya ta Sheetz down the road there. We can put some air in the spare.” Chris was a poet and he didn’t even know it (see what I did there). Actually, we had a pretty good conversation both to the Sheetz and back. I told him I just graduated from Liberty University, which most of the time, brings up all sorts of discussion. He actually enjoyed Liberty University because they weren’t scared to speak their mind. Chris gave me many bits of wisdom in our 20 minute car ride together. I appreciated Chris and I needed company at the time. One might call him a godsend. Whatever he was, Chris was a pretty solid dude. As we get back to the place where my car was, Chris gets out of his beater, in which I slipped a $20 bill in between the driver’s seat and the passenger’s seat. We put the spare tire back on, say our goodbyes, and as I’m starting the car, waiting right outside my window is Chris with my $20 bill in hand. How he got there that fast, I still don't know. Chris wanted me to roll down my window, but I told him to just keep it and thanked him for his service with the window still rolled up. Chris proceeded to open my car door and gave me my money back and said, “I don’t take kid’s monies.” Chris, wherever you are, you’re a swell of a guy.

 

Introduction to the Obvious

Hi there. My name is Josh Garrity. I just graduated from college in 2012. Just like 95% of all 23 year olds I have a hit a wall of confusion as to what I want to do with my life. So while I figure that out I plan on blogging about anything in my life. Movie ratings, vacations, music reviews, skydiving, normal life events, etc. Now I know what you're thinking, "Do you do anything special? Like, worth blogging about?" No, Mr. Business Man who will hate his job for the next 30 years or Mr. Athlete who will be bankrupt in the next 15 years, I don't. In fact, I work at a call center which is about as normal as it gets, but I just find humor in the "normal life" events. I named the blog "Life" because when I googled "how to start a blog" Google told me that I needed to pick a specific topic to blog about. So I did. Now, introduction blogs are incredibly uncomfortable but necessary. Which is why I'm not telling anybody about this blog until the 2nd post. Suckers.

Josh