One day, after taking phone calls like a boss, I just wanted
to pop in my frozen microwavable dinner and eat in peace. As I’m waiting on my
meal to be cooked, I a hear little girl’s voice from a distance say, “Josh is
eating his hippie food again.” Hannah Lynn Walker. Let me introduce Hannah to
you. Hannah is a co-worker of mine. Hannah is a southern bell who has a voice
like Reese Witherspoon in Sweet Home
Alabama. She is straight country, so if I’m not wearing boots and a cowboy
hat and listening to anything other than George Strait, then I’m considered a
hippie in her eyes.
To make a short story long, I’m not a hippie. I don’t know why
or when “hippie” was used in a negative connotation. That’s not what this post
is about. I have nothing against hippies. The point of this post is to defend
my innocence of the hippie identity. Again, nothing against hippies.
This isn’t the first time I’ve been called a hippie or
“hipster.” I know. I’m as shocked as you are. By the way, you can give me all
of the technical definitions you want, but there is no difference between a
hippie and a hipster. When I ask what makes me a hipster, people generally give
me the same answers. So what I want to do is defend each argument/judgment that
I’ve heard in the past few years. So here it goes:
- “You probably like weird music, don’t you?”
o My
favorite musicians of all time go in this order: John Mayer, Dave Matthews
Band, Brad Paisley, Michael Jackson, and Dave Barnes. I grew up belting out
“Shameless” by Garth Brooks at the age of 3; I had just about every Jackson
5/Michael Jackson song memorized by age 9; and my senior year of high school, I
listened to Kanye West’s “Graduation” album every morning before I went to
school. Side note: Kanye’s name has a red squiggly line under it in Microsoft
Word. I wonder if he’s talked to Bill Gates about this. Anyways, as you can
see, I have way too much soul to be a hippie. Again, nothing against hippies.
- “You tuck your jeans into your boots.”
o Ok.
Yes, I am guilty of this, but so is the whole United States Army, and the last
time I checked, hippies don’t fight in war. They don’t fight at all. In fact, I
have almost lost my friendship to my friend, Aaron Beasley, over a game of
Settlers of Catan multiple times. At the age of 8, I gave my now-training-to-be-a-professional-wrestler cousin, better known as Nate Stone, a black eye, but that’s not the point. I tuck my jeans into my boots, and
if that makes one a hippie, then I’m darn proud of the hippies that fight for
our freedom. Murica.
- “You only eat fruit in the morning.”
o I
do, but I also inhaled milkshakes every night that my father made me starting
at the age of 7 until I was 17. And I know what you’re thinking, so let me
quiet all the doubts: Yes, my father loved me. It all started because I was
going to fall below the minimum weight requirement for bantam football, so I
needed to pack on some weight to play football. In addition to the milkshakes,
doughnuts are my weakness and if Thanksgiving just consisted of mashed
potatoes, I would be just fine. Generally speaking, in the past couple of
years, I have been on somewhat of a health kick. And yes, I do usually start my
day with fruit, but do you know where I get my fruit? Walmart. That’s where I
get all of my food. Josh-3; Haterz-0.
- “All you wear is flannel and plaid.”
o I
do have a ridiculous amount of plaid and flannel in my closet, but so does Al
Borland, and the last time I checked, he’s all that
is man. Nuff said.
In conclusion, there are things that might be hipster about
me. Yeah, my favorite hobby is playing the guitar, and I do own 3 pairs of
boots and only God knows how many flannels, but don’t judge a book by its
cover. The book might be titled “Hippie” but it may read, “Normal.” Again,
nothing against hippies.
Josh
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