“Clear your mind. Think of absolutely nothing. Relax every bone in your body. Listen to my voice,” Dominique Folston told all of his clients. Dominique, or Dom as his friends called him, was a highly regarded hypnotist. He would be called upon to cure sleep disorders, smoking habits, depression, anxiety, and stress ; others simply called on Dom for entertainment purposes. Regardless of the occasion, he could woo an audience like Houdini and fuck with people’s emotions like Benny Hinn. He truly loved hypnotizing people. Sometimes, he would just walk down the streets and ask people if they wanted to be hypnotized, and most times they would because it was fuckin’ Dominique Folston, the best hypnotist in all the land. (He always tried to hypnotize black people on the street. Black people had the best reactions. White people were boring).
The thing Dom had that trumped every other hypnotist was his mind. Nothing ever fazed him. No matter what obstacle was thrown his way, he would overcome it and hypnotize the shit out of people. Literally, there was a guy that was struggling with constipation, so he had Dom hypnotize him so that he would be healed. By the end of that session, dude’s pants were filled with shit.
Dom’s status reached such a level that he landed an interview with Diane Sawyer on 20/20. Out of his plethora of accomplishments, this one took the cake. I mean, he was asked to be interviewed by the same person who interviewed Caitlyn Jenner, or Bruce, depending on where you stand on the topic.
“Mr. Folston, Diane will be here in a few minutes. She’s running a little bit late. She’s finishing up an interview with Mel Gibson,” Diane’s assistant told Dom as he patiently waited in the green room. “Mel Gibson? Hasn’t he been out of the limelight for like 10 years now?” Dom curiously asked. “Yeah, but he had another meltdown. This time, it was the Muslims.” “Jesus,” Dom said, disgusted.
Diane was ready for Dom. As Dom walked into the well-lit room, he had an uneasy feeling. He sidled towards Dianne and sat down in the chair across from her. His palms were sweaty, knees were weak, arms were heavy; there was vomit on his sweater from his mom’s spaghetti (Eminem. 2002. Lose Yourself. 8 Mile Soundtrack. Location: 8 Mile?).
“Diane,” she said, extending her hand toward Dom. “I’m well-aware,” Dom said timidly. “So, I’m just going to ask you some questions about your childhood, how you became a hypnotist, then I’ll have you hypnotize me, then I’ll ask how you hypnotize people, why you hypnotize people, then we can wrap up about what you plan on doing in the future. Deal?” Dom was puzzled, “Hypnotize you? On national television? I don’t think that’s a good idea.” “Of course it is! You are the great Dominique Folston aren't you?” Diane Sawyer’s persuasion skills were on fleek. There was no denying that, then the cameras started rolling.
The interview was going pretty smoothly, then came the part where Dom had to spontaneously hypnotize Diane Sawyer.
Diane: Well, I would like to be hypnotized. (laughter) Would you be able to do that?
Dom: (nervous laughter) I mean, I don’t know. This may not be the right setting.
Diane: Sure it is!
“No, it’s not bitch!” Dom thought, but did not have the stones to say.
Dom: Alright, let’s do it. In order to hypnotize someone, it is your job as the hypnotist to get the person being hypnotized to clear their mind, think of nothing, and relax every bone in their body. If you can’t do that, then you can’t be hypnotized. So, if you would...
(Diane follows his instructions)
Dom: (soothing but neurotic tone) Listen to my voice. Follow my finger. You can feel yourself start to become fatigued. Keep following my finger. Now go to sleep.
At this point in the hypnosis, all of Dom’s clients fall asleep, but Diane was wide awake.
Dom paused, sweating profusely. He put his hand over his mic and whispered, “Diane, could you please…just…fall asleep? This looks really bad.” Diane covers her mic and whispers back, “Yeah, but if I fall asleep now, it’ll look worse.” “Diane, please!” Dom whispers back with desperation. “No!” Diane whispers back with intensity. Dom storms out of the interview.
“You know there’s no such thing as bad publicity,” Dom’s manager said. “Oh yes there is. This is bad publicity. Nobody is going to want me to help them stop smoking, overeating, nobody is going to want me to hypnotize the shit out of them!” Dom said frantically. “Easy Dom. Don’t panic. I’ll just tell the producer not to air this interview.”
Dom’s manager did so, and the producers granted them their wish- but at a price. The interview didn’t air, but Dom was still bothered. Why couldn’t he hypnotize Diane Sawyer? This caused many sleepless nights for Dom.
“I don’t think Diane wanted to be hypnotized. She was suuuuch a bitch,” Dom told his friends. He convinced himself it was Diane’s fault. He shook it off and started doing his hypnosis as usual, but couldn’t hypnotize a soul. This brought Dom to a panic.
The, a light bulb went off for Dom. He needed to get back to the basics. Maybe he needed to learn how to be hypnotized in order to hypnotize other people. See, in all the years of Dom hypnotizing people, he had never been hypnotized himself. Maybe he had just been getting lucky these past years, and now it was time for him to perfect his craft through personal experience.
Dom called a local and private, highly-regarded hypnotist, James Fairfield, to schedule an appointment. Heading into the appointment, Dom had the mindset of “Imma get hypnotized real quick and get the hell out of there.”
Dom was playing on Tinder as he waited in the office of Mr. Fairfield. He hurried and exited out of Tinder as Mr. Fairfield walked into the room.
Mr. Fairfield: You must be Dominique?
Dom: Yes sir. You can call Dom though, James.
Mr. Fairfield: Please, call me Mr. Fairfield.
(They both laughed.)
Mr. Fairfield: But seriously Dominique, please call me Mr. Fairfield. I feel respected when I’m called Mr. Fairfield.
Dom: Oh. Well, okay. If we’re doing that would you mind calling me Dom? It’s just that my mom would always call me-
Mr. Fairfield: Look Dominique, I’ve been watching footage of your previous hypnotic performances and it seems you’ve hit somewhat of a dry spell, which is normal for a hypnotist.
Dom: How long was your dry spell?
Mr. Fairfield: I said “normal.” I have yet to hit a dry spell, and probably never will.
Dom: Oh, well, that’s great.
Mr. Fairfield: Look, the key to hypnotizing someone is to guide your client to clearing their mind. Thinking about nothing, a blank space if you will. Once you’ve accomplished that, their mind is pretty much yours.
Dom: I know this.
Mr. Fairfield: But do you?
(Mr. Fairfield dims the lights.)
Mr. Fairfield: Alright then. Clear your mind and think of nothing.
(30 minutes later)
Mr. Fairfield: Have you cleared your mind yet? (getting impatient)
Dom: Wait for it…nope. Dammit! This is impossible! (Panicking, sweating) It’s like nothing is something. Nothing is something’s imaginary friend, but it’s still something to something you know what I mean?
Mr. Fairfield: Here’s what I want you to do. I want you to go home and work on clearing your mind and thinking about nothing. When you believe you have done so, I want you to come back here, then we can start working on your hypnotic skills.
Dom went home, subdued. He cleared out an entire room, turned the lights out, and tried clearing his mind. It didn’t work. He then tried to watch something boring on television like C-SPAN or that one station with the nun that prays in the church the whole time. But that didn’t work either. Finally, Dom said, “Fuck it,” and went out into the wilderness to find a peace of mind, but sadly he was deathly scared of the wildlife out there and came right back home after 2 and a half hours. Every avenue he went down was a dead end. This lasted for months. Dom had given up.
Since Dom couldn’t hypnotize anymore, he searched for new jobs. It’s tough to land a job when the only thing you have to put on the resume is “Professional Hypnotist,” but he convinced some suckers to offer him a job selling technology equipment to local schools from a call center. His co-workers wanted to talk to him about his past as a hypnotist, but Dom always tried to change the subject. Even though he had settled down and found a job, it still bothered him that he couldn’t do what he knew he was supposed to be doing.
Dom was at a coffee shop with one of his friends when in came this beautiful girl that immediately grabbed Dom’s attention. It had always been difficult for Dom to find love. Actually, he had never found love. Things usually went like this:
Girl: What do you do?
Dom: I’m a professional hypnotist.
Girl: (laughs) But seriously, what do you do?
Dom: Bitch, I told you what I do (but still maintaining a soothing voice).
Sure, this would get him a one-night stand, but never love. Dom had always longed for love, but knew that, in his line of business, it was going to be difficult. But now, Dom had a new job and a new life. He approached her, made some small talk, and just like that, got her phone number and a date. Dom walked away from the coffee shop with a little pep in his step.
Dom would stay up night after night with this girl, Cathy was her name, talking about anything and everything. Some nights they would stay up not talking if you know what I mean? (You get it? Because of sex.) She didn’t know who Dom was or anything about Dom, which oddly made him more attracted to her. Once he told her, she was genuinely curious about what he used to do, and she could still see that this job still meant a lot to him.
For their 4 month anniversary, Dom took her to a delicate restaurant. A restaurant where you might find Jay Z and the Queen Bee. Dom kept commenting on how radiant Cathy looked. He would use the word “radiant” too. This was also another reason why Dom couldn’t find love. Cathy broke the infatuated environment they had both created with a serious question, “If there was one thing you could change about your life, what would it be?”
Dom put his hand over his mouth and acted like he had to ponder her question deeply even though he knew the answer right away, “I still miss being a hypnotist. I loved seeing the joy people had when I would help them or just flat out entertain them. I itch for it still. I would still love to be a hypnotist, but if I can’t clear my own mind, how am I supposed to clear someone else’s? To me, it just seems impossible to think about nothing.”
She nods her head, empathizing with him, “How about me? What would you change about me?” Dom sat still with a confused look on his face as he stared down at his napkin. Then he had a sense of fulfillment overtake him as he looked back up at her with a smile. For the first time, Dom thought about nothing.
